Good things come in threes

Most people today remain fixed on their traditional, monogamous approach to romantic relationships but, for John Stables, love isn’t measured by exclusivity.

He embraces flexibility and quality connections in his polyamorous lifestyle, enjoying the constant voyage of finding out what works for him and his partners.

He recalls: “I’ve always been intrigued by polyamory, not with the intention of practising it, but because it seemed like an unorthodox way of living life. I just want to understand what works for me, and I’m not interested in fitting into a specific blueprint.”

For Stables, polyamory allows for a deeper exploration of love, free from restrictions.

“We're all very complex people,” he comments, “I don't think the ‘one-size-fits-all works’ when it comes to relationships.”

According to a 2019 YouGov survey, 23% of adults in the UK said they open to the idea of non-monogamy, which raises the question … will polyamory grow in popularity?

For Stables, the monogamous approach to relationships feels too proprietorial.

He asserts: “I don’t think other people can belong to you as a possession. It feels almost non-consensual. Nobody should determine how you establish and maintain a relationship.”

Contrary to popular opinion, polyamory isn’t a way of cracking the code to being intimate with lots of people, according to Stables, but instead focuses on feelings, love and romance.

However, he warns that those considering polyamory should be self-assured and willing to communicate openly.

He cautions: “If you are typically an insecure person it will be difficult to manage a strong relationship knowing that your partner might be spending time with other people. You have to be secure in yourself to a certain degree.”

Stables has a “primary partner” and a “secondary partner”. He lives with his primary partner but tends to spend one night a week with his secondary partner. Though the two are not romantically involved with each other, he says the idea is “not off the table”.

Although this set up works for him, Stables acknowledges that some are sceptical towards the concept of non-monogamy.

“I’m more than happy for people to ask questions,” he shares, “I don't try to influence their way of living, I just explain my perspectives as I do on lots of different things.”

However, Stables believes himself to have quite an unconventional approach to many aspects of life. “I’m anarchistic about most things,” he remarks, “I kind of rebel against the idea of fitting into a specific template or blueprint on how to live life.”

But, when it comes to non-monogamy, there’s an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed. Jealousy. The freedom of polyamory is often what attracts people, but insecurity can still creep in.

Despite this, Stables assures: “Jealousy is very normal and we try to address it quite quickly, but it's generally more a case of fear of missing out and I think that happens in monogamous relationships too.”

In fact, Stables has found that his practice of polyamory has actually enhanced his level of faith and assurance.

He reflects: “Polyamory has created a little bit more security around trust in my relationships because it's encourages you to understand yourself and your partner on a deeper level and I think those are great lessons.”

The sceptics often question how deep love can be when shared with more than one person. However, Stables argues: “Some people think if you have two people who you love, you can only share half of your love with each, but I don't think it works like that. When somebody has a second child, it doesn’t mean they love their first one any less. You find more love.”

For Stables, this lifestyle isn’t an attempt to break free from tradition. It’s simply his way of being true to himself.

“There’s no blueprint with polyamory,” he expresses, “Make up your own plan, see what works for you and be open to it changing. It will evolve in ways that you can’t even foresee.”

Stables’ philosophy is simple: “Live your romantic lifestyle how you want, with who you want, and as many people as you want. As long as nobody’s hurt, everything’s cool.”